This Year's Girl

What's so great about the Barrier Reef?
What's so fine about art?
What's so good about a "Good Times Van"
When you're working on a broken,
Working on a broken,
Working on a broken man?
~Old 97's, "Barrier Reef"

I’m not that attractive. No, wait. Strike that. I’m not very handsome. I’m about 5’8” or 5’9” with a wide, squared jaw. My features are not delicate. A little cherubic, perhaps, but not delicate. However, over the course of the past year, I’ve seduced six different women. This isn’t bragging. I’m not deluding myself into thinking I’m irresistible. Clayton (Clayton=Beast over on Suley’s blog) has probably gleaned much more attention than I have. Hell, pretty much any lady could easily seduce twice that number of men in ten months. Even five months. Five weeks? But, considering my past, that number, six, is pie in the sky high.

To effect this, I acted entirely unlike myself. I would flirt. I would create innuendo. I would play interested. I would not be deathly afraid of them. I did this all for attention. I did not care.

I also never consummated a relationship. Not even in the loosest, least sexual sense. I would make them infer that I would be good boyfriend material, play as if I had what they wanted, and set myself up for relationship after relationship, but never made the connection. I was a man-tease. AM a man-tease? Am I?

To make a long story shortish, I was told by my dearest lesbian friend that I was being a jerk. I needed to provide these girls with a fair chance, rather than just a wink, some reassurance that I was there for them, and the dust cloud of my unexpected departure. What I still don't know is whether that lesbian had enough insight into the situation to really nail down what I should do.

But I took her advice anyway. I am now the proud owner of a second relationship. Look how she shines. Now what? How do you do the dance if you don't know the steps? I just stand in the corner doing the white-boy shuffle while every other couple is out on the dance floor bustin' it superfly. I'm now responsible for another human being's feelings. I fear I may already matter to her. I can't tell. I can't know. I can't think. I can't stop producing these short sentences for effect. Christ. I'm leaving.


Anonymous M said...

Step one: grab ankle.
Step two: pump knee back and forth.
Step three: look around like you're the champ. Because you are.

You are just full of contradictions.... but here's the thing. In a relationship, there is a certain amount of responsibility for the other person's feelings. Like Mary Schmich said, "don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours." As cheesy as it is is, be honest and respectful. And sometimes, relationships just fail. The people or the place of the circumstances or the timing was wrong. And there's nothing you can do about that.

You probably weren't asking for advice. But I'm a chick, it's my chromosomal duty to give it to you even if you don't ask.

10/16/2005 05:25:00 PM  
Blogger suleyman said...

Let us never mention his name...(the C. person).

You are not a "serial lady killer," Sweet. Stewart Ransom Miller indeed.

I can't imagine you creating innuendo, or even flirting for that matter. That's so not the Sweet I went to high school with. Out for attention, too? Dang, son. That's just totally out of character.

Man-tease? Hmmm. At least you're not a mimbo - like a certain individual we know.

I don't have any relationship advice. Chickens have more teeth than the number of relationships I have been in.

Word verification: vqqvjgnz


10/17/2005 01:15:00 AM  
Blogger J. Star said...

Maybe the couples out on the dance floor bustin' it superfly are just drunk or faking that they know what they're doing.

10/20/2005 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger Adeline said...

ahhhh la!! welcome to your career as a homewrecker! welcomewelcome!

isnt it fun though? just to knock on those doors and see who answers?

there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing, and you are not responsible for anyone else's feelings, i dont care what anyone says. though cold heartedly squishing people is bad business. but just shopping, especially if you are not consummating, in my book, is smart shopping.

i kissed many a folk, and never engaged beyond those quite innocent kisses and had a freakin blast and 9 times out of ten, they werent the right folk.

so not that you asked for my lame advice, but go out there and inspect that fruit before you bag it. and if a door gets slammed in your face because someone was hoping for a little more than what you gave, well that's really their own deal, so long as you didnt promise them a rosegarden. geez who opened the cliche box on me tonight.

i say more power to ya, as long as yer single that is...since ya got a fren, you might stick with that though.

10/23/2005 01:19:00 AM  
Blogger Jenelle said...

heh...such good advice. Hmmm...can't really top it. A man-tease though? HA! Good for you!

(word verification...maczzt)

10/23/2005 10:18:00 AM  

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